I’m down in the dumps again today. Yeah, I know. Not again… :boohoo: But that’s just how I’m feeling. I also just got some disappointing news which didn’t help my mood.
After a full day of insanity at work I was too tired to blog yesterday, yet I managed to stay up WAY past my bedtime. I think the clock said 1:30 when my head finally hit the pillow. That is very unusual for me. I guess music gave me that extra kick of energy that I needed. That combined with the stimulation of casual conversations in person and on the web. Strange how that works.
I’m wondering what the heck I’m really supposed to be doing with my life, even after all this time. I love my home life and the decisions I’ve made in that respect without a doubt. The main issue is the nagging feeling that I’ve wasted 24 years. I didn’t go to college although I was offered a music scholarship. Knew that would come back and bite me. At one point I was going to go to court reporting school. Never happened either. I’ve got no one to blame but myself for not following through with things. Now, I realize I’m ready for something new for the first time in my life and it seems too late. My timing sucks.
Truth be known, I’ve never really known what path to take. I feel like I have the skills and maybe even a little creativity or *gasp* talent inside still lurking. But what to do? It’s been choked out for so long but there has to be a place where I can experience some sort of fulfillment and purpose. Am I ever going to feel content on a personal level? Does anyone?
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Well, partly I feel bad if I rub it in your face… but actually I am content on a personal level right now – and it took me long enough! On the other hand, I think rubbing it in your face (even though you know it
) will remind you that nothing’s impossible!!
I can’t speak for anyone else…but I don’t think I’ve ever really felt content or satisfied on a personal level. I’ve always been one to wonder about the path not taken…about the meaning (if there is any) to it all…and what is next for me. Are we really here for some purpose…or just chance combinations of DNA living from moment to moment only acting and reacting to stimuli…? :think:
Ouch. Not you too Chat Mommy. I’m hearing the same thing. I know I have dreams and stuff and my life hasn’t turned out all that successful. But with the exception of the last 3 weeks, I have been generally happy. Wished for more but content and blessed with what I have (had) or going to get. Generally I look foward to what I can do, I tend not to look to the past, something which I can’t do anything about.