A Day in the Life
I have had a stomach virus for the past four days. I was finally through with it on Sunday after being in the bathroom for four days.
When I went to the doctor on Wednesday she wouldn’t give me chemo, saying that since I had a bug for the past few days it was better that I rest this week and do chemo next week. I was actually arguing with her saying “But I’m over it now” and “I haven’t had any symptoms since Monday”. She finally said ‘It’ll be okay if you skip a week”. That was when I told myself that I needed to take a step back and listen to her. My doctor had two fellowships at M.D. Anderson (which is a pretty well known cancer treatment center). I can’t tell you how much research she has done, and how many articles she has had published and how many presentations she has made. In short, Dr. Blakely knows her stuff.
So today I go back to work, and I got very tired around noon, so I came home and put myself on the couch. Temperatures here in North Mississippi are in the high 80′s or low 90′s right now, but in my little cocoon on the couch I was freezing. I finallly took my temperature and it was 101.
I have no idea what’s up with the temp. I’m not having any symptoms of the bug again and if I feel as bad as I do now, tomorrow I’m going to my doctor and telling him to fix me.
I have a co-op of doctors. One being Dr Dahl, who I have written about on this blog. He had two partners in his practice, Dr. Coon and Dr. Dabbs. I don’t care which one I see as long as they make me feel better.
As I have written before, my body has become it’s own seperate self. I now weight 110 pounds. I have never been that small in my adult life. (Being a chubby kid, I think I weighed that when I was 10 or so) I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, which is the mentality that made me start going to doctors to see if anything was wrong back in April.
I want this to be over. I want to be healthy again and not have to plan my life around chemo sessions and scans (the next, by the way, is set of Halloween. Ironic isn’t it?). I want to have surgery to take my porta cath out because I don’t need it anymore. I want the fear that when I do beat this cancer could come back, to go away. Cancer is such a nasty disease. I want something that involves an easy cure and a week on a Carribean beach somewhere, not something that is makes me waste away, have to depend on others to cover my work load, and just generally hacks me off. I want to be able to drink cold beverages and eat ice cream anytime I want, not just two days before chemo (sensitivity to cold is a side efffect of one of the mediciness they are giving me). I want to be “normal” again.
BUT, the up side is this, we’ve found my medicine. The tumors are shrinking, even Dr. Blakely said my liver didn’t feel as “bumpy” to her on Wednesday. I am having more pain free days than in weeks past. I am able to go to work, most of the time, and when I can’t, I have wonderful co-workers who will take my load and not complain. I have two bosses who have lost loved ones to cancer, so they understand a lot of what I’m going through right now. I have many people sending good thoughts, good wishes and prayers my way. For that I am so grateful and thankful that people I don’t know personally are pulling for me. I am thankful that I can see a positive side to all of this.
It’s going to get better. You will see that day when your life doesn’t revolve around cancer anymore. I have never stopped believing and I’m not about to!
Go out and buy those obscenely expensive jeans!!
Oh Susan here loads of people have their stomachs upset this time of year. But I can image you feeling even worse having so much pain and suffering! What a horrible disease cancer is. Don’t let it get at you and keep your spirits high!! Wishing you well.
There are good things that have happened to me since my diagnosis. I just keep hanging on to those things. I also have my faith. I know God’s plan is perfect, even if I don’t get it right now. I know he’s not going to let me die before my time, and honestly I don’t think I’m through doinig what evere job he has put me on this earth to do, yet.