Waiting
Friday was rough.
I had called Susan on Thursday and she told me it wasn’t a good time and asked if she could call me back. I told her not to worry about it, and that I would call her on Friday, which I did. Her friend and coworker, Hilda, answered the phone and told me they had to take Susan to the hospital. Hilda was there taking care of Susan’s kitties and checking on some things. She has been the one who has also been seeing that Susan’s bills are paid, etc., and has been like a second mother since Susan’s Mom passed 6 years ago. Hilda told me that if Susan comes home, it will be “in-patient Hospice.” I’m not sure what that means, because she has already had home hospice care, other than maybe it means round-the-clock. Anyway, I thanked Hilda and all the other people there who have helped Susan so much. I hung up, fell completely apart (to put it lightly), and ended up in bed by 7:30 p.m. while Randy and Jeff stayed up and listened to music (with my blessing). I am really struggling trying to process everything that is going on. I have always had such a hard time with the concept of death and dying, despite my faith. It just seems so unfair, especially in Susan’s case.
I’m feeling a bit better today, but every time the phone rings, my heart sinks. I need to learn to cope better, but I’m not sure how. I guess I’ll just keep plugging away and keep on counting my blessings. Life is short, so I hope I can make the most of it and start growing into a better person, whatever that means.
