This is the second time we’ve had this particular type of visitor.  Randy has had to do rescues twice now.  The first time, I had already gone on my morning jog when Randy took one of these bad boys down to the pond less than a block away.  I participated yesterday in the mission and was astonished to see a creature like this still exists.  They are not to be trifled with, I can tell you that!  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the alligator snapping turtle!

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It’s the most dreaded time in Texas for me.  Summer.  This year has been very different, though.  We’ve had rain and lots of it, along with cooler temperatures.  It’s really unusual and a most welcome gift.

I hate the heat, watching everything around me turn brown, and hearing how the lakes are drying up every summer.  This has been an amazing season so far.  Of course, it’s not August yet but it’s been nice.  Maybe I won’t faint when I get my next electric bill, another dreadful side effect of Texas this time of year.  I’m loving it.

Lately I really have been feeling happier overall.  I’m almost scared to admit it for fear of another downward spiral but it feels really good.  I’m not sure if circumstances are improving or if I’m just seeing things in a different light.  No matter.  I’ll take it and try not to analyze it too much, another hard habit for me to break.

My best friend from fifth grade, Ember, shared this on Facebook:

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.  When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.  Concentrate on this sentence.  “The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.”

I’m beginning to believe it.

While we’re on the subject of vices, mine specifically, there’s one in particular that I’ve always had a hard time with.

I’ll learn and feel like I’m doing better, then suddenly someone’s situation turns me greener than Shrek with jealousy.  It’s about as silly as Shrek (although I DO love him), but more importantly, envy is toxic and negative…and guess what?  It’s completely unfounded.  What’s great for someone else isn’t necessarily the right thing for me, regardless of my feelings to the contrary at the time.  I have actually had to find a lot of that out for myself the hard way.  Believe me, it’s not pretty.

I think a lot of it stems from when I was growing up and money was tight.  Now I don’t want anyone to think I’m materialistic but I remember the times when we lived in a rent house where, in the wintertime, you could see the curtains move from the cold air blowing against the window.  We didn’t suffer, far from it, but my parents fought constantly about money.  No, it can’t buy happiness but it certainly helps one feel a bit more stable.

Unfortunately, insecurity has always been a big part of who I am and I guess I tend to equate perks with happiness or stability.  It’s just not true.  I can see that when I step away, which is something that’s difficult to do sometimes but totally worth it.

Hmmm.  There must be something to that “Thou Shalt Not Covet” inscription on the tablet that Moses brought down from Mount Sinai.

Two of these days were paid time off even!  Music courtesy of Robbie Robertson & The Red Road Ensemble from the album “Music for the Native Americans.”  The song is “Mahk Jchi (Heartbeat Drum Song).”  My apologies in advance if this loads slowly for you.  I had made a smaller version but my captions were covering up the photos, so you must suffer for my art.  ;o)

Santa Fe – June 2010

I’m feeling melancholic again today (yes, I know that’s a big surprise).  I’m loving this unseasonable weather we’re having, though.  It can stay this way for as long as it wants.  I don’t miss those scorching temperatures and drought conditions that usually plague us in July.  This rain is making the crape myrtles in my front yard bloom like crazy.  Hope to get a photo soon.

I have to work tomorrow but at least I’m at home and I have my “house husband,” Randy, close by.  Consolation.

Wishing you all a very happy and safe Independence Day.  Remember freedom isn’t free.  So grateful to those who make the sacrifice.

I feel like I should apologize.  It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here.  My excuses?  I’ve been busy, I’ve been lazy, I lost interest, I had nothing to write about.  All true.

It’s been 132 days since alcohol last touched these lips.  Strange.  No, I didn’t drink every day.  We were “weekend warriors.”  Every weekend, without fail.

One day after Lent began (a weekend day no doubt), Randy mentioned he thought he would skip the beer run altogether.  I thought it was a good idea, so I agreed.  I was tired of feeling like crap all weekend, every weekend.  I drank out of boredom and because I like to feed my head.  None of this was planned.  We simply started making a game of it by counting the days on the calendar.

As time went by, we both started noticing a difference in how we felt.  Our finances were a bit healthier as well.  Alcohol is expensive, have you noticed that?  I also managed to drop over 10 pounds.  Alcohol has lots of cals, have you noticed that?  Hmmm.

Yeah, I am proud.  BUT….there are still days (like today, the Saturday before the 4th of July holiday) where I would absolutely LOVE a tall Sam Adams Summer Ale or a Guinness over Bass on tap.  I won’t lie.  It’s tough.

We didn’t even drink while in our beloved Santa Fe this year.  Part of me felt resentment, although I knew the alternative would be even worse if I gave in.  How do other alcoholics do it?  I’m beginning to understand the credo “one day at a time.”

Oktoberfest is coming up.  We booked a room last year while we were in Fredericksburg.  How hard is THAT going to be?  I’m wondering if we should just cancel but I hate to deprive our friend Jeff.  Another tradition by the wayside.  If I thought Randy and I could “enjoy in moderation,” I wouldn’t think twice.  I just don’t believe it’s possible, the way our brains are wired.

Would someone please thump this devil off my shoulder?